Chapter 5
“Origins”
Part 1
“The Origin Of Nick”
Way Outer Mongolia……
Grebo the Giant laughed at the fools who stood before him. Carl the Crab and Sid the Squid had traveled many miles from the sea. They dared challenge Grebo’s warrior to a death match.
“What will be the prize?” asked Grebo. “Passes for four to the Genghis Khan Casino Buffet,” said Sid.
“Then it’s a bet,” cried Grebo, pounding his fist on the table.
Grebo was the leader of “The Den”. He weighed 500…no wait….6 or 700 pounds. He weighed 57 pounds at birth. At 6 months old his village had been attacked by a wooly mammoth. Grebo ate it!
“The Den” was Grebo’s headquarters. Mostly, he hung out there and ate and drank with his friends. He would sometimes venture away from “The Den” to conquer new lands or get take-out.
He also had a used car lot. Grebo didn’t sell the cars, he traded them for food. A side of Yak would get you a decent low mileage compact.
One
day Grebo had a visitor…..
“Antoine! Long time no see,” said Grebo. He was always glad to see his old friend. They had shared many drinks together. “Say Grebo, I was wondering if you could do me a favor….”
“Glad to help,” said Grebo. “The lab’s not being used right now anyway. I’ll keep an eye on him for you until someone picks him up.” “Now don’t you worry about a thing…….”
Now you see Grebo’s band of warriors had a great rivalry with the sea people. They often met to pit their best fighters against one another, and to gamble on the results.
And then “He” had arrived…. the one he had helped Antoine create… Grebo could only marvel at him. He was the most fearsome, the most physically magnificent, and the most bloodthirsty being he had ever seen….…..and he could really sing and play guitar…….!
He was….. “Meat n’ Taters” The Barbarian!
Meat
n’ Taters specialty was the sealed cage, double razor wire death match. Best of
3 deaths. No opponent had ever answered the bell for the second fall. He was
known as the Mongolian Minstrel with the menopausal mean streak! His weapon of
choice.....?
The
six-piece matching steak knife set, razor sharp, and a 3 foot potato peeler.
The Den dwellers had gathered to salute their champion. It was the night before the great battle. Grebo sat on chairs at the head of a large buffet table. He ate, then ate some more. Meat n’ Taters sat at his side taking requests.
“How ‘bout some Hank Williams or some Roger 7,” someone called from the back of the room. Meat was happy to oblige, banging out a medley of Hank and Roger 7 tunes. The crowd cheered!
“Meat n’ Taters”
“Meat n’ Taters”
“Meat n’ Taters”
Grebo stood quieting the throng. Turning to Meat, he lifted his goblet.
“Meat n’ Taters, tell us all.” “What is good in life?” Meat now stood up straight and raised his goblet….
“Defeat your enemies”
“See them driven before you”
“Hear the lamentation of the women”
“As you eat their meat n’ taters”
“And what is bad?” asked Grebo. “Seafood and salad!” cried Meat n’ Taters.
Saint Otto’s church hall was packed! The Den Dwellers and the Sea People sat on opposite sides of the ring, hurling insults and peanuts back and forth. The room was a volcano waiting to erupt!
Meatlemania was running wild!
The ring ropes were razor wire soaked in iodine. the great steel cage surrounding the ring was electrified and inescapable. In the center of the mat was a drain….Oh yes, there will be blood!
Meat n’ Taters sat in his dressing room working on a new song he had written. He seemed oblivious to the impending battle.
Death and destruction were beginning to bore him. He knew he had been created to play music. He couldn’t help it if he had the body of a governor!
Grebo came in, creating a new doorway as he entered. “I’m counting on you kid.” “The Genghis Khan Casino buffet is the best around.” “I know you’re tired of fighting, win this one and you will have earned your freedom.”
The ring lights came up as Michael Buffer takes the microphone….
(click the picture)
…”Let’s get ready to rummmbbblllllllleeeee!!!”
“Entering first, the champion and local favorite. He is undefeated with a record of 4,276,192 and 0. He holds the distinction of having disemboweled all 29 opponents in a 30-man battle royal in less than a minute, and he currently has 2 songs on the Billboard top 100 chart.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, direct from Grebo’s lab…the one…the only
----“Meat n’ Taters”----
Meat strode to the ring escorted by an army of security. The Den Dwellers cheered. The Sea People heckled him and pelted him with lettuce and croutons. It mattered not…..
“And now, his opponent, ‘escorted to the ring by his latest “squeeze” “Coco Minfly” who likes to be called “C.C.” ‘ He is from depths unknown, with the ability to breathe both in and out of water, holder of the red and black sea belts….
He is big….He is slimy…and he smells like low tide…Here he is….
----Hulk Hammerhead----
The Den Dwellers fell silent…
Hammerhead was a grotesque salt-water hybrid mutation. He was part shark, part clam, part lobster, part octopus, and part one of those fish with headlights from really deep water.
For the first time, Grebo was worried. Meat n’ Taters wasn’t!
The bell was about to ring when Grebo noticed….
“Meat! Where are your steak knives and potato peeler?” “Does this guy look like meat n’ taters to you?” said Meat n’ Taters.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Hammerhead was on Meat in an instant. He wrapped a tentacle around Meats throat, choking off his supply of air!
Meat thought, “Maybe I’ll change key on that new tune….”
Hammer pinched Meat’s ass with his giant lobster claws, then began to hammer his head with his hammerhead.
“If that new mixing board doesn’t come in soon, that guy’s getting a negative feedback!” thought Meat.
Hammerhead oozed over to the side of the ring. A tentacle reached under the ring, pulling out a massive trident. He charged at Meat n’ Taters.
“I am not taking down that shed!” thought Meat, pondering the property conflict that he was currently involved in.
Alas….All of history’s great warriors had a weakness, Samson, Achilles etc. Meat n’ Taters was after all only….human?
Hulk Hammerhead drove the sharpened trident deep into Meat’s hip. The pain was excruciating, and then…
….Meat got jerked off!
Hammerhead’s clamshell body began to open. He was going to swallow meat whole!
Now was the moment of truth…
(It was very similar to the moment of truth that Spike had experienced as the Emperor Bull attacked back in Chapter 4….)
…..Meat n’ Taters reached into his trunks!
When Hammerhead saw what Meat had whipped out of his trunks, he immediately submitted, begging for mercy….
“Spare me! Spare me!”
Meat
killed him anyway.
Grebo and Meat loosened their belts at the Genghis Khan Casino buffet table. The bet had been for dinner for 4, but Grebo used 3 of them himself.
“I’m done fighting,” said Meat. “I’m just going to concentrate on music from now on, and I am gonna join the Richard Simmons program, maybe even Jenny Craig. I'll be buff I tell ya....BUFF! I'll shave my chest and legs. I'll be sweet."
“Say,” said Grebo. “Why don’t you put something together and play at “The Den” on Friday nights? You know, just until Henry shows up.”
“Sounds good,” said Meat n’ Taters. “I’m going to work on some new tunes. See ya later…and by the way…just call me “Nick”, OK!”
“Say Nick,” said Grebo, “I couldn’t really see. What did you whip out of your trunks that made Hammerhead give up? A foreign object?”
Nick just smiled…
As he walked out, a slip of paper fell from his pocket…..
Grebo walked over and had someone pick it up and hand it to him
CHAPTER 6
Ed's Revenge....Ed's Salvation